I’m glad I bought my D5000.

It’s been slightly more than 2 years now since my good buddy has been with me.

I may have been slow learning how to use my buddy, but I’m glad trips are more interesting because of the fun I have learning how to take different types of shots.

Two years on, I’m still learning and I’m very reluctant to say goodbye to my old pal.

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This shot wouldn’t have been possible if not for a kindred soul met in Taiwan.

Met an American while shooting this (the kindred soul) at 阿里山, a pleasant man named Cedar.

I was annoyed because I couldn’t find the location in Taipei to take the night skyline of Taipei with Taipei 101. We got to talking and he kindly offered us clear directions with a map.

We went our separate ways after that and actually met on my way down 象山 (the location to take the skyline)!

Travel camaraderie, some things you can never plan for or pay for, in any trip.

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We were freezing.

Literally. I felt sufficiently scared to actually check her pulse as her breathing rate was so low.

The views along the way may have been beautiful, but they were chillingly so.

The current age has made complacent travellers in many of us.

This time, I was one such traveller. No sight in the world is worth the life of anyone.

I hope to never be so unprepared again.

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The trip was a trip with old friends.

Sometimes, it’s easy to forget how old we’ve become. Yet sometimes, it’s painfully so.

I first dived when I was 18 or 19. Now I’m 26.

I used to marvel at any fish I saw under the sea. Now, the fish gotta have names and have to be rare before I’m supposed to enjoy them.

I used to want to speak endlessly through dinner… enjoy the conversations, now I I want to be silent… no need to appear knowledgeable or spout wisecracks.

Diving used to be for the dives… now it seems like for auld lang syne... for the sake of old times.

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Auld Lang Syne performed by Lea Michele

Alright, let’s bring back some light here.

I did this for my assignment and I wanted to share this here (as it’s shocking how few know about this most lovely book).

To all mothers, especially mine.

I’ll love you forever.

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living.

My baby you’ll be.

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I’ve been doing work since 9.00 p.m. and the only reason why I started so late today is because I decided to have dinner with my classmates at Clementi.

This has been going on for quite a while now. Days last till 4.00 a..m. even on weekends and I spend a large portion of these days working.

I am breaking, I can feel it. I am still running quite smoothly now, I’m ahead of most of my classmates in terms of work but I sense the withdrawal will hit me hard.

How can this be education? How can this be life? What am I learning? Am I even learning? Can’t I have a schedule where I acquire all my skills necessary without the Institution trying to kill me? Why are the educators educating educators not preaching what they teach?

Why break people?

I’m not married, I’m not a father and yet I already feel like this. I shudder to think what my married colleagues who are parents are going through now.

I think about it every second, every time.

To be perfectly honest, it’s really getting to my mind.

I thought you were different but you were just the same.

I waited for a change but that change never came.

And I know it’s true that nothing ever really lasts.

I learned that from all of my experiences in my past.

It happens so fast, every smile, every laugh.

Love is the best memory that you can have.

But who do you think you are?

Leaving all these scars.

Don’t you ever come back for me because now I’m too far.

And now your jar of hearts is too full to even close.

But you always seem to know how to make room for one more.

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“It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that? “

So said Christopher Gardner. Well, he sure seems happy now. I know that I don’t deserve happiness if I don’t pursue it. But why does the pursuit seem so hopeless sometimes. Studying in NIE is really miserable. I belong to an Institution that demands we become inspirational teachers but yet sends the most insensitive and dream-less people to teach us how to be one. One of my classmates broke his bond a few days ago. That’s a lot of money and I really thought he seemed to genuinely like teaching.

I wonder, what pushed him away? Hmm… where’s my happyness?

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Teach as though you’ve never taught before.

Teach as though you’ll never teach again.

Ooh, I love this phrase which my Edu Psych group created today.

One of the few moments I have enjoyed in NIE so far.

NIE is… very badly organized for an Institute of Education. I mean, what sort of school cannot generate proper timetables for its students (well, okay, just the PGDE students), lest the Institute of Education which produces the people who create timetables across all public schools in our country. I understand its limitations but when people within the school can condescendingly accuse us trainee teachers of not being good enough to plan proper lessons, I think showing a proper example by organizing decent timetables is the not asking for the moon.

It feels like no one is in the slightest bit bothered about achieving work life balance for teachers. We are still caught within the debate of whether teachers work too hard but yea, I don’t think anyone will have it when teachers get to go home early and not have much to mark at home so that we can concentrate on what we are paid to do, preparing for and delivering stellar lessons.

Well, this awful adjustment phase has made me realize how much I miss my kids. I was in class today and I just started flipping through photos of my students and I was smiling, uncontrollably. Oh, I miss them terribly. I really do hope I improve so much here (more than if I had remained at Red Swastika) that the separation from my students will be worth it.

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Note: This is just an emo-rant.

Was supposed to sleep 2 hours ago. Yet to adjust to work hours. Slept past 3 and woke up 2 and  a half hours later the past two days. Hopefully, I manage to shut-eye before midnight today.

PL asked me whether I wanted to attend DHS’s 55th Anniversary dinner. My answer was “No” and then “Still no…” even after he offered me a free ticket in.

I have always wondered why I rejected these anniversary events. I paid for and missed SJ’s 40th as well. PL had said I was childish then. Well, maybe I was, maybe I am. I can’t make the reasons tangible (there should be a verb for ‘to make tangible’) and I guess I never will. Eliza was just mentioning to me today that I seemed to be organizing outings and events for so many in Red Swastika, and this compounds my failure to understand why I am so apprehensive towards going back to DHS/SJ anniversary/gathering events.

Well, Lea Michele is making me bitter with her version of Jar of Hearts and I guess I can put down my apprehension to my deep-kept bitterness. I mean, I’m not a bitter man. Most people can attest that I have mostly beautiful stories of my time in DHS/SJ but some of these memories were my most bitter as well. I’ve kept them suppressed for many years. Heck, I was in SJ till last December. When I look at the photo above, I normally reminisce about the good times in SJ but during my darker days, I think of all the people I draped my arm across and bitterly recount the lack of arms that returned in kind.

So yes, maybe I am childish, maybe I am 任性，but I don’t care…

Sometimes…

You don’t get to get me back.

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It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Jar of Hearts

The rain screwed up the weather big time.

I had a love-hate relationship with the rain in Europe. The rain gave us unbelievable weather, i.e. feeling cold in leather jacket during summer, but on the other hand, the rain screwed up many of our shots as well… I mean, come on, blue meandering sky over grey cast clouds nearly every day of the year for landscapes in Europe man.

But, credit where credit is due, sometimes the rain gives you a shot all the sun in the world will never ever give you.

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